Month: April 2008

Bargaining with myself

Even though I have…

  • Mum’s birthday present to finish;
  • Nine other things in progress in one way or another;
  • The next round of the Pentathlon starting in two weeks (and I need to choose a yarn… hmm…);
  • And, ugh, housework and shopping to do

I’m still really wanting to cast on a new pair of socks. Specifically, Jane’s Bracket Fungus socks [Ravlink]. I have everything ready to go for them, and I have done for ages. Yarn balled up, pattern printed out and tucked into a plastic sleeve, and all popped in a project bag with the needles and a row counter. But I have all the other things to do first, and now they’re starting to feel like chores because I want to jump to the new and exciting thing.

So, here is my bargain with myself. The carrot I’m dangling in front of my unmotivated nose! If I can…

  • Finish unpicking the cast off of the second Jacobean sock and re-do it with a tubular bind-off (first sock already successfully done, yay);
  • Finish one repeat of the WFS edging;
  • Do the finishing for the two pairs of baby bootees (which honestly isn’t going to take long! I’ve just been procrastinating), which means: seam up the flat knit pair, make knitted buttons for both and attach them, make the button loops, sew in any ends;
  • Stop mentally flailing over which yarn I should use for the next Pentathlon project because really, I can’t choose properly until I see what the pattern is (although I’m sure I will be posting a short list of my possible choices here like I did last time);

Then I am allowed to cast on for the Bracket Fungus socks and knit up to the first bit of the leg, before I should go back to Mum’s birthday present.

Although, I should probably go shopping at some point as well. Heh. I’ve sold some of my yarn and a Rowan mag, so I’m going to be taking those down to the post office. And didn’t I also need some of that… what’s it called…. oh yes! Food. I’d better write a list.

Catching up

Whoops, I’ve been absent for a bit, haven’t I? I’ve been down with an attack of the April’s, you see.

I don’t know why exactly (although I’ve got a theory: it could be bunnies*) it happens every year, but starting in April, I always go through a depressive period. The joys of spring tend to be less than joyous. Not every day, for every thing, because there are lots of things that objectively I love about this time of the year. But mentally, it’s not one of my best times. Some years it’s lasted for months, getting worse and worse until I’ve been in a right state. Others, it’s been better, and it’s only really since I’ve been diagnosed with the bipolar that I’ve been keeping proper track anyway. But since then it’s depended on my medication, my own and others’ awareness of my mental state, and how soon it’s picked up on and started to be dealt with.

*or seriously, something to do with stuff that happened when I was around 18 which I won’t bore you with now, but was at this time of year. And btw, name that fannish reference!

This time, I only had about a week (or maybe 10 days… it blurs) of not being able to move out of bed / eat / etc. After that, there was a thankfully quite short period of getting myself back into a more normal routine again, and now I’m feeling a lot better. Hoorah! Interestingly (to me anyway *g*) getting back to normal once I’d been able to recognise and start coping with the depression as depression just took about three or four days. Before I got really low, I’d been struggling with a wonky sleep routine and lack of motivation for a good couple of weeks, and I was frustrated and annoyed with myself for not being able to sort it out. Now, I can “forgive” myself for all that because now I realise it was the start of the low mood swing. I’m not quite sure if I could have done anything at that time to head the low off… perhaps that’s something to talk to someone (doctor? CPN? counsellor?) about.

However, like I said above, there are things I do love about this time of year, so it certainly hasn’t all been doom and gloom. I haven’t got out and about as much as I’d like of course, but I did get to enjoy the snow at my Mum’s house, the sun in my flat (I have huge windows and my bedroom is a sun-trap), and the sea-air down on the seafront once or twice as well. And of course, being inside so much, I have got some knitting done, and a lot of reading. I did sleep most of the time when I was down (and I do mean most of the time: generally 16-20 hours a day!) but when I was awake, I was at least able to do those things.

What did I knit? Well, I’ll talk about that more in another post, but I finished my Pentathlon socks (yay!), I’m making two pairs of baby bootees for Ally’s little ‘un (who is due next week – the 23rd), and I’m working on Mum’s birthday present (also 23rd). Things are going much faster now I’m feeling more myself again, of course. Which is nice :-)

I’m behind on Project 365 of course – there are only so many photos I could take of the inside of my flat anyway *g*. What are you sposed to do when you miss some days, I wonder? Just skip them, or fudge it and fill the gaps with spare shots from other days? Is there a school of thought on that?