Tag: mental health

2: A short history of me

Before I start talking about the various bipolar related topics, I just wanted to give a summary of my “qualifications”.  An outline of my experience with the illness.  Something like that.

I was diagnosed with bipolar in June 2002, but I didn’t really accept the diagnosis until some time in 2003 – I didn’t want to be bipolar.  Depression I was reasonably OK with the idea of, since that could be circumstantial and therefore go away once whatever the circumstances were had been fixed or dealt with in therapy.  But bipolar was a bit more permenant, so it took me some time to come to terms with that.  I’ll talk more about this when I write the post about experiences with diagnosis.  So, that’s 7 years now that I’ve been diagnosed and on various medication, some of which has worked better than others.  Again, I’ll go into more detail on that later.

Previous to that, I can now recognise manic and depressed episodes from my late teens onwards – which once again I’ll talk about more later.  I’ve had therapy of various kinds, I’m currently being treated by the local Community Mental Health team – I see a psychiatrist every three months or so, depending on how I’m doing.  Right now I’m doing pretty well, but I’m not technically “stable” because I still go up and down a few times a year.  I occasionally go to a local drop-in centre and take part in some of the things they run, or just have lunch and a natter with some of the other members.

Any questions you’d like to ask?  Just leave a comment.

Conquering entrelac

Or so far… not.  Heeeeelp!  I’ve been going backwards and forwards on the first half-inch (the setup triangles) of the entrelac sock pattern that is the second pair for this year’s Sock Knitter’s Pentathlon.  I was getting great big gappy gaps between the triangles and after I looked at this tutorial / pattern [Ravlink] for an entrelac scarf that someone on the mailing list recommended, I came to the conclusion that it was because of the extra two rows at the top of the triangles in the sock pattern – they didn’t ‘attach’ to the sock cuff.  (The triangles were made by knitting increasing short rows, using one more stitch from the cuff every time until you get to six.  I don’t think I can describe it any better than that, but the scarf tutorial has pictures.)  The scarf tutorial, which starts the short rows with knitting one stitch instead of two like the sock pattern, solves that problem.  So that’s what I’ve now done with those.

[thumb:1122:l:l=d:t=]Pattern: buttercupia: Noro Entrelac Socks. [Ravlink]
Yarn: Posh Yarn Emily in ‘Troubadour’.
Needles: 2.75mm DPNs
Ravelry Project Page: SKP09 Pair #2

However!  Now that I’ve done all the triangles, I’m a bit stumped.  I have to pick up stitches to start the rectangle / diamond section, and it says to work left to right.  But I’m not sure if I’m sposed to turn the work before I do that, or go “backwards” on the right side, or what.  Aaaaaaah, confusing!  I think I’m just going to have to experiment and see what happens.  I should have knitted a swatch first.  Oh well!!

Other than the entrelac socks, I’ve been doing some spinning, actually remembering to keep up with taking Project 365 photos (I’ll post those soon), and… um… also doing other stuff?  Oh, I know – I have new glasses which is great because now I can see what I’m typing (always helpful), and I’ve also been reading a fair bit.  In fact, I’m thinking of doing Dewey’s Read-a-thon, although I should probably make my mind up soon if I am going to join in.  If I do, I don’t think I’ll commit to the whole 24 hours because I don’t want to mess my sleeping patterns up again just as they seem to be improving, but I could do 12 hours easily.  I would say more, but it starts at 1pm BST (the site says GMT, but they mean current UK time by that, not actual GMT) and that would make my finishing time too late.  And in fact, since it’s just past 1am right now, I think I’d better go to bed and get some kip!  Night.

Two weeks of Friday 5

Since the site was down for the revamp last week, I’m going to catch up on the last two weeks’ worth of Friday 5 questions:

Friday 5 for March 13: It’s Cold!

  1. What’s your favorite frozen heat-and-eat food?
    Hmmm… that’s actually really hard. There’s this place that does some really nice frozen ready-meals… I like most of theirs, but particularly the duck in orange sauce. Nom!
  2. How sensitive are you to cool temperatures?
    I do feel the cold pretty easily, especially if I’m sitting still at the computer all day!
  3. How many ice-cube trays are there in your freezer?
    None. I have one ice-cube tray, but it’s in a kitchen drawer. I do have a couple of ice-cube bags in the freezer, though. And some frozen blue plastic penguins.
  4. What aspect of your life seems to be frozen in place?
    Hah. My mental health. :-/
  5. What’s your favorite blanket like?
    I spose this means ‘favourite blanket for snuggling under on the sofa when it’s cold’… in which case I’ll say one of my fleece blankets because they’re light but warm and good for keeping me cosy. But really the blanket of mine that I love best is the wool tartan one that I got in Edinburgh and kept in my car when I still had that. I don’t use it so much now cos I don’t want it to get covered in cat hair!

Friday 5 for March 20: Quarterly Progress Check

  1. Would you say 2009 so far is meeting expectation, exceeding expectations, or failing to meet expectations?
    So far, 2009 has been fairly not-happening for me. Which is the fault of how I’ve been rather than the year itself. When I’ve been well enough to engage with life, there have been good things going on, so I’d say it’s technically exceeding expectations, since mine are so low right now anyway!
  2. What letter grade would you give yourself for your performance at work or school?
    Not that I’ve been to either, but for my performance in life so far this year: a big, fat F for FAIL.
  3. On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy have you been with the weather so far in 2009?
    Other than a couple of periods of wtf (giant! hail! the other night!!), I think it’s been OK. My brain is like a sieve though, so I might be forgetting. It is still the winter (or has it edged into spring now?) so of course it’s not all sunshine and roses, but that’s as it should be. I’ll give it an 8.
  4. Which of the Motion Picture Association of America’s film ratings would you give your social life so far in 2009?
    Almost entirely a “G” – family time, knitting and spinning groups, hanging out with Ally and baby H, and perhaps a “PG” during that weekend that Char came to visit and we discovered that Robert Downey Jnr in Ironman is the best thing evah, etc. It’s been quiet.
  5. 2009’s parents are on the phone and want to know how 2009 can improve its performance. What have been 2009’s areas of strength and what are its areas for growth in the second quarter?
    Uh, Um. Business speak, send help, cannot cope! (Off to Mordor) Alright, not really. Areas of strength have been opportunities for learning new skills (spinning). I guess areas for growth will be getting my brain back in gear? That’s definitely something that needs doing.

Let’s see how I’m doing…

I’m still not ready for Christmas, quite, but I am slowly crossing things off the list:

  • Write and send out cards of both types.
  • Knit like there’s no tomorrow (I’m not doing many knitted presents this year, but there are a couple I want to get done).
  • Put up tree and decorate. (In progress!)
  • Wrap presents.
  • Write christmas card list (e-cards and tangible ones)
  • Buy cards and stamps (tomorrow).
  • Work out budget for presents (tomorrow when Mum comes over).
  • Go present shopping – both online (asap) and IRL (w/ Mum tomorrow, prob also later this week). (Presents all DONE DONE DONE! HA!!)

I went to the HRC Christmas Party today… or the end bit of it, at least. I got waylaid by my neighbour, and although I did need to speak to him myself, I didn’t mean to end up talking for so long! Still, I got there in time to nab three chocolate fingers, listen to the band’s second set, and then go up and have a sing with them for the last few songs. Which was fun! I didn’t have time to think about it and freak out, which I think helped. And in a weird way, since I’d had a bit of a wobble when I first got there because it was a large, strange place filled with people (oh noes!), being crammed on stage felt like a much more familiar and safe environment! I know, I’m just odd.

Progress…

I’ve made some definite inroads into my list – see:

  • Write christmas card list (e-cards and tangible ones)
  • Buy cards and stamps (tomorrow).
  • Write and send out cards of both types.
  • Work out budget for presents (tomorrow when Mum comes over).
  • Go present shopping – both online (asap) and IRL (w/ Mum tomorrow, prob also later this week).
  • Put up tree and decorate.
  • Knit like there’s no tomorrow (I’m not doing many knitted presents this year, but there are a couple I want to get done).

And since I plan to write my cards tonight, that’ll be another thing crossed off. Yay!

I spose I should add another couple of items onto the bottom though if I’m going to be thorough. Presents have to be wrapped, after all. And, um…. is there anything else? Well, if there is, I shall just have to hope it comes to me! My sieve-brain, let me show you it!

In more everyday type news, I also went to the psychiatrist today…

Continue reading “Progress…”

Crimble Prep!

Hah, only the second day of my resolution, and I nearly forgot to post. Well done, me. And now of course I can’t think of anything to post about, even though I had lots of ideas for things to write about yesterday. Typical!

Maybe I’ll talk about crimble prep… of which I have done absolute none so far, other than writing that list of the people I’m going to get presents for. Therefore, I have Things To Do:

  • Write christmas card list (e-cards and tangible ones)
  • Buy cards and stamps (tomorrow).
  • Write and send out cards of both types.
  • Work out budget for presents (tomorrow when Mum comes over).
  • Go present shopping – both online (asap) and IRL (w/ Mum tomorrow, prob also later this week).
  • Put up tree and decorate.
  • Knit like there’s no tomorrow (I’m not doing many knitted presents this year, but there are a couple I want to get done).

I think that’s about it… or everything urgent, anyway. Obviously there will need to be present wrapping in there as well. Eventually. Probably on Christmas Eve….

At least this year, I do have a budget to spend on presents. Or a more comfortable one than last year – since Mum has been acting as a sort of overseer to make sure I don’t have any more mania-fueled spending sprees, my finances aren’t so strained. Hooray! In fact, what my budget for Christmas will be is something she’ll help me work out, and knowing that I have agreed amounts for spending really helps me keep to those limits. Yes, I could decide on my own how much to spend, but I’d be bound to go way over the top. If there’s someone else I have to account for that to, it keeps me from going too crazy. There you go, that’s your thrilling life-with-bipolar fact of the day. I can theoretically work out budgets and accounts and whatever with no problem, but practically speaking it all goes out the window as soon as I see something SHINY! And oh yes, that so counts pretty pretty sock yarn. Or any other kind of yarn. Or DVDs, or books, or…. ;-) So since I’m twice as bad with that when buying for others rather than myself, a Christmas budget agreed with Mum is definitely needed to keep me within reasonable limits.

And do you know, because of that I’m rather looking forward to doing the Christmas shopping. :-) It feels so much safer this way… kind of like rock climbing while knowing that you have a harness on and someone belaying you at the bottom. It used to be much more like falling off a very high cliff (possibly while drunk) – complete with the horrible dropping sensation in my stomach! Not that I’ve ever fallen off a cliff, but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I’m not sure why I got onto that, but maybe I’ll write some more about manic spending and so on another time. It’s one of the more common things that happens with bipolar. But now I’m tired and this post is long enough, so I think I’ll be off to bed. Thar be shopping to be done tomorrow, after all!

Alive, alive-oh

D’oh, I zoned out for a while there. I wish that would stop happening. My next psych appt isn’t until July, either. It was s’posed to be April or early May, but it got put back. :-/ Still, I can phone them if need be, so it’s not that bad.

Anyway, I haven’t been completely unproductive (read: asleep) over the last few weeks. I’ve been reading (I keep meaning to write reviews… I really will do that. Eventually), and knitting, which I shall talk about a bit more in a moment, and doing a bit of work on a fannish website project with Sann. And over the last couple of days I’ve been gradually putting some knitting / crochet books and some more yarn up for sale on eBay. I might even get the non-knitting things I have to clear out up there, if I can get around to taking photos and working out postage. I need a better pair of scales!

Actually, talking of scales, I may or may not have lost weight recently, but I have been eating more healthily. And without having to think about it too hard, either – it’s becoming more of a habit, which is really good. As well as that, I’m going to start doing more exercise again. I had meant to before, but I as part of the whole zoning out thing I was mainly stuck indoors. However, this morning I’m planning to either go for a walk in the park if I can get hold of Ally in time, or go to aquafit and then either the gym or just stay in the pool for a swim. I’ve got to get back into a routine where I’ve got something to get going for in the morning, and having something that I need to leave the house for is better. Otherwise I’m likely to faff around at the computer in my pyjamas until lunchtime! Quite possibly doing something productive, but still – I need that routine of being really “up and about”, and being actually dressed is part of that.

Back to the knitting, anyhow. Let’s see… looking back at those goals I set myself at the beginning of May, I’m afraid I still haven’t finished Mum’s present (I’m going to go and do some work on that in just a mo!). But as I said, I did finish the baby bootees, and I’ve also finished my second pair of socks – the Berlin Muster pattern – for the Sock Knitter’s Pentathlon. I hit my personal targets as well: I wanted to finish in the first 100, and to improve my sock knitting time. Which I did: I finished as number 68, on 23rd May, so it took me exactly 3 weeks to knit them, doing an average of an hour or two a day. :-) Since then, as well as Mum’s pressie I’ve been working on my Fireworks socks, and I’ve now finished the first one after a bit of a hiccup with the garter stitch toe the first go around (it ended up about twice as long as it should have been!). The second one of those is cast on and I’ll now be slowly making my way down the leg whenever I want to work on a project that requires very little concentration for the most part. I don’t have any pictures of that just yet, anyway, but I do have some of the finished objects. Want to see?….

Continue reading “Alive, alive-oh”

Project 365 #4, Days 17-24: 26th Jan – 2nd Feb

I’m still catching up, so I’ve put a few more days in at once this time. So here are days 17 to 24 of my Project 365 photos. If you want to see all the photos so far, click on the Project 365 category link, or check out the Project 365 folder in the photo album.

On to the pics (click them for the full sized versions):

Continue reading “Project 365 #4, Days 17-24: 26th Jan – 2nd Feb”