Lou-quacious Yarns
I’m still catching up, so I’ve put a few more days in at once this time. So here are days 17 to 24 of my Project 365 photos. If you want to see all the photos so far, click on the Project 365 category link, or check out the Project 365 folder in the photo album.
On to the pics (click them for the full sized versions):
Continue reading “Project 365 #4, Days 17-24: 26th Jan – 2nd Feb”
Both figuratively / mentally and literally…. um…. yes. My train of everything is well and truly lost! Let’s try and get back on track, shall we? This is probably going to be a massively long post, I warn you now! There’s also going to be a fair bit about mental health stuff, so feel free to skim :-)
So, starting from when I vanished back in December… well, for the three weeks leading up to Christmas I was pretty much knitting constantly. So much so that I cramped up my shoulder and ended up with an ouch-y left index finger joint! But eek, I had to get the Christmas knitting done!!! Well, as I already mentioned, I didn’t quite succeed, but I did get Mum’s Fetchings done, and I had a scarf finished that I gave her as well. Also within that time, I went to visit C for the weekend, and having been manic not too long beforehand, I think I ‘overworked’ myself, because once I got home again, I when I wasn’t knitting, I was sleeping. Zzzz!
Then, this site was down from 17th – 26th-ish December because of a server crash. It took the hosting company a while to be able to recreate the accounts and then restore the files. The flat files were about 6 weeks old but the databases were all up to date, so I’ve been able to easily restore the things that were still missing (photos, mainly). So that’s all good. Of course, during that time I had a million posts I wanted to make, and now I don’t remember what they were about ;-)
After Christmas, I crashed like a …. crashed out thing for a good ten days. Everyone tends to, I think, but annoyingly I can’t do anything by halves, so I hit a depressive slump with it: didn’t get up or eat or anything really. I slept, or I read – I got through about 15 books, actually. But mostly I slept. Luckily, I’d arranged with Clara, Ally & co. for them to come over for New Year’s. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have done anything for that… and if I’d been up to phoning them to cancel, I probably would have. But as it happened, Clara rang me and just asked me what time they should turn up. I don’t think she knew I was down, but that really is the best way to deal with me when I’m like that. Don’t leave me room to get out of things! So I pulled myself together, tidied up, and sorted out some nibbles and the like. We had a good time – just a chilled out evening, chatting and playing with little M. :-) After that, I was still down for a few more days, but I started to pull up again at the weekend after C helped me with a plan to get me firing on all cylinders again. Hooray!
Since then, I’ve posted my resolutions, which I’m doing OK with in general, and I’ve started Project 365. Mentally, I’ve cycled into a more manic phase, but overall I’ve been mostly within ‘normal’ parameters. I’ve also done something that I’d been sort of putting off for some time – I’ve gone and registered with the drop-in centre down the road. I think I was resisting it because part of me felt that only people with a “real disability” needed to go to somewhere like that. Or perhaps with a more severe disability than I like to perceive myself having, I don’t know. Ah, denial! I thought I was over you, but no! Anyway, it’s a really nice place, and I can go there as often as I want or need, to use whatever facilities I want to. Mainly, I think it’ll be useful for me to have somewhere to pop in when I know that I’m starting to slide one way or another and need to just be around other people to ground myself, and also it’s good to know that the support and advice services are there if I need them. And I have to admit that it’s a huge plus that it’s literally a minute’s walk (or less) from my front door. They do food too, very reasonably, so if I can’t cook, I can eat there. And I got to chat with three other people with bipolar while I was there, and it’s just kind of nice to have that face to face contact with others in the same boat. So yes. I’m going to keep that up.
Hmm, I think that kind of covers it. I’ve been working away on my WIPs, but I’ll talk more about that in a different post (with progress pics, whee). Oh, and I seem to have my sleeping pattern back to normal, so it’s back to the gym and everything this week as well. I missed Knit & Natter the Saturday before last, but my friend M is coming over tomorrow, and I’m planning to go this coming weekend. Now all I have to do is stick to the plan, but also not overdo it!
I mentioned in my last post that I was thinking about doing Project 365. A couple of days later I decided that if I was going to do it, then I’d better just start before I started thinking about it too much. So I did.
Which means that I will, all going well, be posting a photograph for every day from 10th January 2008 to 9th January 2009. I’m planning to make a post every five days or so. In actual fact, I might post more than one photo for some days – this is to stop myself getting mired in indecision! I’ve set up a specific folder in the photo album for the set of photos to go in, as well. I won’t be putting them on Flickr or adding them to any group sets there, though I have joined the Ravelry group for 365-ers, and I’m intending to join the webring.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling on the theory. On to the photos (click ’em for the full size versions):
Continue reading “Project 365 #1 – Day 1-6: 10th – 15th Jan”
Sitting on the bus this afternoon, I suddenly remembered a dream I’d had last night. In which my skeins of sock yarn were just so irresistibly yummy that I just had to chew on them*. Nom nom nom! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarn!!! This is the point where I should probably be saying “I think I’ve finally cracked”. Only, whoops, too late! ;-)
* They weren’t bad tasting, either. Not that I ate them. That would be a waste! Just stuffed them in my mouth and gently chomped down a couple of times. Erm. Hi there subconscious. Something you want to tell me?
ANYWAY! Hi, Happy New Year. Here I am! I’ve been pretty zonked since Christmas, and I was rushed off my feet before that (plus my webserver was down for over a week, grr), but I’ll elaborate on what I actually got up to in the other post that I’m writing. This is going to be a looking forwards post. Well, and a ‘currently’ one as well, I guess.
So, let’s have some resolutions for 2008. I have general ones, and knitting-related ones as well:
General resolutions:
Several of which can really be summed up as “Look after myself”, but since detailed lists help me plan, that’s what we’ve got. :-)
Knitting Resolutions:
I’ve also been thinking about joining Project 365. Or maybe I’ll do the weekly variant that some people on Ravelry are doing. I’ll probably end up with a stack of photos of the cat. And yarn. No change there, then!
Okeydokey, this post is long enough. I’ll yatter about my current WIPs (with photos) more tomorrow or some time soon. Time for bed! :-)
Despite appearances, the blogathon didn’t kill me. Hoorah! It did wipe me out for a bit there, though, and then I had to spend some time catching up on the things I’d got behind on while I was thus wiped out. But anyway, now I’m back and feelin’ fiiiiine.
So!
And I raised a fantastic $199.66, which translates to £98.64 in real money, all thanks to my wonderful sponsors:
– Heather
– Ally
– Noxie
– Ramona
– Mum
– Carla
– hellolovely
– Anonymous
– Ambermoggie
– talesfromtheplain
– Liz
THANK YOU, guys. And thank you to my excellent charity, MDF, who sent me a lovely email and have invited me to submit a piece for the charity’s quarterly magazine about the blogathon and why I chose them as my charity. I’ll be sending that off to them shortly, so you never know, I might even get in print. :-)
I’d like to highlight a few of the posts I made during the ‘thon – the ones that got the actual content, really. It was amazingly hard to write what feel like ‘full’ posts to me for every one, because it just takes me too long! So there ended up just being a relatively small number of more meaty ones, interspersed by briefer comments. Anyway, the ones I wanted to point out are:
– Bipolar Disorder, and MDF: The Bipolar Organisation
– Fetching So Far
– Excitement! I Won!
– Forest Canopy
– My First Socks
– Loopylou and the Multitude of HP Scarves
I guess that’s all on the ‘thon until another year, then. Maybe next year, maybe not! It’s been three years since I did it last, so I’m not going to commit myself now. But I certainly do intend to do it again… and try to remember next time not to do pretty much a full day’s activity *before* I start, next time…
And now we return you to our non-regularly scheduled knitting posts!
I wanted to write a bit more about why I’ve chosen to blog for MDF today. I think many of the Blogathoners have gone for charities which have some kind of personal meaning to them, and I’m no different there. I’m one of those lucky however-many percent (10? 20?) of the population who have Bipolar Disorder, or Manic Depression.
Being Bipolar isn’t cool. It isn’t trendy. It doesn’t make you interesting or different or emo. Or, you know, perhaps sometimes it does, but not in a good way in the long run. It’s not teenage angst. It sure as hell doesn’t make teenage angst any easier to deal with if you’ve got the one on top of the other. It is a serious and difficult condition, and it’s not something that will ever be “cured”. It’s classified as a mental illness, and it is… but it’s due to chemical imbalances in the brain, which in my opinion makes it physical as well.
As the term “bipolar” suggests, the illness causes extremes (poles) of mood. Depression can range from feeling ‘down’ and detached for no outside reason, to not being able to cope with interacting with other people, to not being physically able to get out of bed to even eat something, to really black depression and suicide. I’m lucky: I’ve only had one instance of feeling at the very bottom of that spectrum. But I have been pretty low, so let me try to explain it for you.
I can’t imagine it’s easy to understand why I just wouldn’t get out of bed to get dressed and eat, why I might unplug my phone and hide under my duvet it the doorbell rings. Why don’t I just do those things? They’re not hard. Eating is kind of necessary. And yet, when I’m that low, I just can’t grasp it. All my motivation to even move is gone, and trying to find it, trying to find a reason to do anything “normal” is like scrabbling on the sheer side of a glass mountain. Real life is on the other side of that glass, and I have no way of connecting to it. The smallest thing is overwhelming. I lose great gaps of time: in fact, this description is quite difficult for me because I don’t entirely remember my periods of depression. I certainly have no concentration. I will often feel bleak despair for no outside reason. All in all… it sucks.
Mania is the other end of the spectrum. And in a lot of ways, it’s the really tricksy one. You start out feeling great – bouncy, creative, full of life. This makes it really hard to catch and stop, because quite often, I find I don’t want to stop feeling “good”. But if it goes that little bit too far, then it tips over into feeling like I want to do a million things, but not being able to settle down to concentrate on any of them. This is when you can spend recklessly, and behave recklessly in general. It is not, for example, a good idea to drive when you’re in this kind of state. Everything’s faster than everything else, to paraphrase Meat Loaf! After this, the inability to concentrate escalates into constantly racing thoughts which can cause insomnia for days on end, all of which worsens the whole thing. I find that I often feel extremely frustrated and angry with myself when I’m in this kind of mood, and very agitated and anxious in general.
Just to make it all the more fun, it’s also possible to have “mixed states” where symptoms of both mood extremes manifest at once. Trust me, those are great.
MDF is a charity that provides help and support for people with bipolar disorder, and for their family and carers. They promote research and awareness of the condition (did anyone see the documentary fronted by Stephen Fry last autumn?) and work against discrimination. Their mission statement says that they aim to “enable people affected by bipolar disorder / manic depression to take control of their lives”.
That is exactly what I want and need to do. No, bipolar disorder doesn’t have a “cure”, but there are a range of medication and therapies available to help those of us who have it. Early diagnosis would be an enormous help so that those can be put into place as soon as possible. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 27, and I’d been having episodes for at least 10 years at that time. MDF’s goals can only help with that, and to make care available to everyone who needs it.
I’m doing my best to manage my condition, with medication and support from my local mental health team, and by having worked on a plan for recognising symptoms of an episode before they become serious.
Which brings me to why I’ve also chosen to knit (hah) for this Blogathon. You see, knitting helps me both when I’m depressed and when I’m manic. If I’m down, it’s not too difficult to do, and if need be I can do it without getting out of bed! I’m physically producing something, which gives me a sense of achievement, and it does also give me something to focus on and take my mind away from the mental bleakness of those episodes. When I’m manic, knitting is calming – there’s only so fast I can make a stitch, and I think the repetition really helps as well. Again, I’m producing something, which is good when I can’t concentrate on anything else enough to do anything that I perceive as useful.
So there we have it. Hooray MDF, and hoorah knitting! And if you’ve found this blurb interesting or thought-provoking in any way, perhaps you would sponsor me for a pound or two? If not, why don’t you go and take a look at the MDF website. Chances are that even if you don’t know someone with bipolar disorder, you have contact of some kind with somebody who suffers from depression, or a related illness. It’s an interesting site, and well worth a read.
I’m being kind of rubbish here, aren’t I? I’m flagging somewhat. Or, not exactly flagging, but feeling mentally flabby. Can’t think of anything to say! I need to re-organise my brain a bit for the night shift.
So, where was I? Well, I’ve been knitting my Fetching wristwarmers – photo and more details of those coming in a bit. No-one has yet taken me up on any HP stuff, so I think I’m going to mention it on my LJ. After all, I’m not sure it it’s because no-one reading this is interested, or if there is no-one much reading (I know: I could look at my stats! Duh.) or what. Doesn’t matter if nobody does want them, I spose, but I kind of want to get over the $100 sponsorship mark. *g* I was just trying to think of some extra motivation to persuade people to shell out. Mwahahah, etc!
Anyway, I was going to make a post about my charity, so I think I’ll do that next, and then start posting these pictures. I have to edit them a bit before I put them up, so that’ll take a little while, but they’ll be around soooon. Plus, I’m going to type up the drabble I wrote for Fandom Helps. *nod* Off I go then!
So, today is Blogathon Day, as I might have mentioned once or twice. I’m blogging for MDF: The Bipolar Organisation (more on that later), and if you’d like to sponsor me, you can do so by making a pledge at the Blogathon site.
If you are so kind as to pledge something, I’ll link you over in the side bar there, and depending on how much you can spare, I might make you a little present to say thank you as well :-)
My theme, amazingly enough, is knitting related. I’m going to vary it a little bit so that I don’t get bored, but what I’m planning on is:
I’ll take pictures as I go so you can see how I’m doing as well as hearing about it. So, off I go to start the actual knitting! TTFN.
I’ve signed up for this year’s Blogathon, which is taking place on 28th July starting at 6am PST (which I’m pretty sure is 2pm GMT – hoorah, no early start for me!). In case you don’t know what the Blogathon is, it’s essentially a sponsored 24-hour ‘blogging marathon’. I’m going to make a post at least every half hour for the duration of the ‘thon.
This means I need something to keep me awake and interested, so as I think I mentioned before, I shall be knitting. Won’t that make a change? Specifically, I’ll be knitting away as much of my stash as I can into different stitch patterned squares for a patchwork blanket / afghan. I might also knit mittens or a hat for a bit of a change at some point.
The charity I’ll be blogging for is MDF (Manic Depression Fellowship) The Bipolar Organisation. As someone with the condition, I’m a member, so I can certify first-hand that they do a lot of good work.
So what I need now are sponsors. Basically, if you’re interested in pledging an amount to sponsor me for the event, click on the link in the last sentence and fill out your details. After the event (providing I completed it!) you’ll get a reminder email, and it’s then up to you to follow the instructions to donate the pledged amount directly to the charity. If you’d really rather, you could inform me how much you want to pledge and Paypal me the money for me to donate on your behalf, but my first preference is to do it the way the Blogathon site suggests.
What do you get for sponsoring me, other than a warm happy glow inside? Well…
As well as this, I’ll be participating in the fandom_helps LJ group blog, to give me a bit more variety. And to give my hands a rest, because I think knitting solidly for 24 hours is going to give me cramp. And that’s it!
I’ll put up a “Sponsor Me” button at the top of this page when I’ve made one, and I’ll put a running total of sponsors under the Currently section in the sidebar. So, um, pledge something? Doesn’t matter how small an amount. A pound, a dollar, as much as you can afford and feel is worth it. It’s for chariteeeeeeeeeeee!
I’m thinking of doing the Blogathon again this year. On this blog, with a knitting sort of theme – I dare say I’ll knit as I go, and post pictures or something like that.
Since I’ll have my stash back from my Mum’s house by then, maybe I could do some stash-busting thing. A blanket in 6×6 squares? I’ve always meant to get around to one of those, and it would be lots of little things that would give me plenty of variety – different stitch patterns as well as yarn for each one, and so on.
As for a charity, I reckon I’ll go for the Manic Depression Fellowship. I’m hardly the only bipolar blogger around, so maybe a few others will do the same. That would be nice.
Wow. Didn’t realise it’d been quite so long since I’d blogged here. ‘Real life’ has been busy in itself, and I spose I spend a lot of my online time lurking over at LJ at the moment. However, I am still planning that redesign and server move that I mentioned aaaages ago, and I want … Continue reading “Long time no blog”
Wow. Didn’t realise it’d been quite so long since I’d blogged here. ‘Real life’ has been busy in itself, and I spose I spend a lot of my online time lurking over at LJ at the moment. However, I am still planning that redesign and server move that I mentioned aaaages ago, and I want to use this blog for a sort of combined study and knitting log. Which may sound a bit odd, but makes sense to me *g*.
Talking of studying, I’m really enjoying my course, though I have ended up getting a bit behind because of not being well. But I’m catching up again, and hopefully I’ll be back on top of things soon. Fingers crossed! Knitting is also going well – I’m doing lots of it, and I’ve sold a couple of things, which helps, since I’m ever so broke!
Anyway, I should probably go and try to rest now. Sleep patterns are, as ever, completely farked. Some things don’t change….
Is it a bird, or plane? No, it’s Angle Grinder Man!! Hah. Well, it amused me, anyway. As for me, I’m still a bit fuzzy in the head, and sleepier than normal, but much better than I was! It’s definitely improving, and hopefully I’ll be right back to normal soon. Mum and Dad have been … Continue reading “Is it a bird, is it a plane…”
Is it a bird, or plane? No, it’s Angle Grinder Man!! Hah. Well, it amused me, anyway.
As for me, I’m still a bit fuzzy in the head, and sleepier than normal, but much better than I was! It’s definitely improving, and hopefully I’ll be right back to normal soon. Mum and Dad have been up to stay for the last two weeks, and I think it helped having them around, even if they did nag me to death! ;-)
While I’m here, I think I’ll do the Friday Five (a bit late, obviously):
1. Is the name you have now the same name that’s on your birth certificate? If not, what’s changed?
It’s exactly the same: Louise Anne
2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?
I quite like my name, so nope, no changes. Although, I’ve been vaguely musing for some years on adding “Margaretta” before the Anne, purely because it’s a family name (“Margaretta Anne”) that’s been in every generation for ages. But hey, maybe I’ll inflict it on the next generation, somehow. Mwahahah!
3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)
Mum and Dad chose it between them… and it was mainly because they liked the name and agreed on it. And that’s pretty much it! Both my grandmothers have the middle name “Louisa”, but that’s more a happy co-incidence than a deciding factor.
There’s more of an odd story behind what I’m *not* called – my parents liked the name Claire, and were going to call me that until they realised that it really doesn’t work with our surname (which also begins with Cl). But the strange thing is, whenever someone gets my name wrong, they call me Claire – it’s happened it many, unconnected places, to the point where I’ve even answered to it sometimes. Very odd indeed!
4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?
There are names that have certain associations for me, but I think those are impressions I’ve picked up when I was young. For example, the name “Wayne” makes me think of a snivelly whinger, and I’m positive that’s because of a kid I was at infant school with! Also, in the stories that I’ve written when I was younger (15 and below), there are always characters called Jo, Charlotte, and/or Caroline. I don’t know why I had an affinity for those names… I knew several Joannes and a couple of Carolines, but I didn’t associate the characters with them. I dunno. I just liket them. Names I like now are often due to having friends with those names, or favourite book characters. But I can’t think of any in particular that stand right out for me, at the mo.
5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn’t it?
Heh. Some of the things on kabalarians were fairly accurate, but then again, it’s a very general thing, so… eh…. *shrug* As for triggur.org:
LOUISE
========
From the Italian root meaning “Complete Bastard”
========
Expression: Louise is a stinking kleptomaniac.
Personality: Louise would not be a good candidate to babysit your children.
Natural: Louise has no native instincts for survival.
Emotional: Louise uses and abuses friendships.
Character: Louise will turn on you in an instant.
Physical: Louise could use major dental surgery.
Mental: Louise can be apathetic to a fault.
Motivation: Louise hates dealing with the details.
Well, a couple of those are actually kind of accurate ;-) I’ll let you decide which. Hehehehe :-)
I can’t believe this weather. It’s cooooooooolllllllllld!!! And chucking it down, too. Just when I’m starting to feel with-it enough to think about weeding my poor horribly overgrown garden, and all. Pfeh. On the bright side of things, I’m awake in the daytime today, which is nice. Since my meds have been reduced, the oversleeping … Continue reading “Brrrr, cold!”
I can’t believe this weather. It’s cooooooooolllllllllld!!! And chucking it down, too. Just when I’m starting to feel with-it enough to think about weeding my poor horribly overgrown garden, and all. Pfeh.
On the bright side of things, I’m awake in the daytime today, which is nice. Since my meds have been reduced, the oversleeping thing is gradually improving, which is a huge relief. On the days when I’ve woken up OK during the daytime, I’m still getting very tired by early evening, but it’s still much better than just sleeping all day and all night long! Heheh. So with a bit of luck, I’ll be back to relatively-normal (*g*) fairly soon. Mum and Dad are coming up to visit next week, so hopefully that’ll help too, having other people around. I know I’ve been stuck in the house on my own for too long. I’ve been making an effort to leave the house each day this week – how far I’ve been has depended on the time I’ve managed to wake up, but I think going for fresh air has done me good. Hoorah!
And here’s another friday five:
1. Are you going to school this year?
Nope. Or at least, not as such. I’m thinking about taking an Open University course or so, depending on what happens with my health, and work. So I might be in education, if not at a school or college.
2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate?
I finished school in 1994, and uni/college in 1998.
3. What are/were your favorite school subjects?
English, Music, and History. Which is why I did those for A levels. *g* I liked Computer Studies and languages, too.
4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects?
PE (was so not-sporty), Geography, and stuff like CDT and HE (all of which I dropped in the third year). Oh, and I wasn’t too keen on Biology, Chemistry and Physics (although I was quite good at them).
5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite?
Mr Wookey! Oh, Mr Wookey was wonderful – a really lovely man, and a great teacher. He was just such fun, and so enthusiastic about music that you couldn’t help but adore him. Thinking of him always makes me smile, but makes me sad at the same time, since he became ill and died just a few years after I left school… I think he was only in his 50’s. He was a friend and a mentor as well as a teacher, and he did a lot for me and really encouraged me to pursue music. Bless you, Mr Wook :-)
11:00 Me: Hi, I’m better now, and I’ve come back to work. Work: Welcome back! 11:58 Me: Ha-ha, April Fool! I’m going home! OK, so not really *g*. And I suspect that was only actually funny in my head. But today was my first day back at work, and it went really well. Since I’ve … Continue reading “Back to work”
11:00
Me: Hi, I’m better now, and I’ve come back to work.
Work: Welcome back!
11:58
Me: Ha-ha, April Fool! I’m going home!
OK, so not really *g*. And I suspect that was only actually funny in my head. But today was my first day back at work, and it went really well. Since I’ve been off a while, I had some refresher training, and I think I’ll get back into the swing of things pretty quickly :-) It was really good to see everyone again, and start catching up on all the changes in and out of work. There’s a night out arranged for Friday, too, which I’m looking forward to. Hoorah!
Comments on this aren’t working at the mo, because the server that hosts them is down. Should be back soon.